SPN: Long Distance

It hits him one morning.



Just BAM and it’s there- the realization, the fact. Sam blinks, staring at his brother who still looks half asleep, sitting on the countertop, clutching at a mug of coffee like its the only thing keeping him upright; at Cas whose making a second for himself.



Dean’s happy.



Dean’s In love.



In the emotionally stunted land of Dean- he’s practically married.



Sam sits at the kitchen table, and jumps when a mug is placed in front of him. He looks up at Cas who smiles before heading back to the pot, collecting a third mug from a box on the counter.



They’re both happy.



Sam can see his own face reflecting back at him from the depths of the blue mug, the coffee a little too black for his liking but…



I’m supposed to be the smartone, and I only realize this now?!



The kitchens only half unpacked. Boxes are sitting beside the humming fridge, filled with essentials according to Jodie. Utensils and cooking things Sam’s never even seen before (that he can’t even guess the use off) wrapped in newspaper. The coffee pot and the toaster are they only things on the counter beside the box of plates, and yet the place already feels more comfortable then any fully stocked motel.



Dean huffs at something Cas murmured and Sam feels his stomach tighten.



A tiny niggling voice is yelling at him. Screaming about the email he wrote but never sent, screaming at him to maybe, possibly, just for once help himself…



His laptops where he left it. He looks at it, a lump of electronics sitting idly on the other side of the table, the standby light blinking in slow waves, the power adapter a hot presence beside his foot.



He knows the emails been sitting in his draft folder for months, collecting digital dust but-



Cas hoists himself up onto the counter beside Dean, his legs dangling just a touch shorter then Deans as they keep talking, just mumbled plans for the day, questions about where buckets are and if they even own a duster.



Causal talk, unhurried, no hunts no urgency just talk.



Sam lurches forward before he can let himself think -always thinking!- and opens the lid of his PC. His coffees going cold, his hands are shaking -you girl- but two second later there’s a little ‘bing’ and his draft folder is empty.



Sam sits back, eyes wide and wonders what he’s done.



God, Sarah probably doesn’t even remember him!



Sam gets up, head reeling, and spends the rest of the day feeling slightly nauseous whenever he passes through the kitchen and sees the laptop sitting on the table.
//part of a Domestic au found here: [link] /// Really enjoyed doing the lighting in this one!!!! Gah i love light!